I stumbled across this poem on Facebook yesterday.
In case you can't read my hand writing it says:
My heart was struck. It was what I needed to read. It was so good that I stopped everything I was doing to hand write this poem in my bullet journal. It's on the back side of my monthly calendar for September, so I'll be able to look at it all next month.
I've been feeling a bit discouraged lately, faced with flinging my effort into the void that is the internet. I so so so want to bring my work with NVC, both how I use it with my relationship with my self and with my beloved, into the world. I so so so want to support people, to help us all feel empowered to change the world. And I understand that I cannot do that if people don't know I (and my work) exist, thus social media.
And yet I feel daunted, overwhelmed, and disheartened these past few days, primarily about working online. How much to share? On which platform? Does it really make a difference? Will anyone see it or respond? Does blogging, mail lists, facebook, youtube, instagram... does any of it really help me to get my offered support out there and received? Am I just spinning my wheels? Am I inserting myself on a hamster wheel of my own making?
What's the point? Why bother? were questions and feelings rolling through me the past few days.
I've been exhausted by my day job, standing on my feet for hours, and very disillusioned by the financial state of the world... I would love to go back to school but do I really want to take on more debt to do so, when I haven't paid off my student loans yet?
I dream of recreating Eden on Earth, of role-modeling a sustainable way of living and being on this planet.
And even if I do build a business, would it be enough to acquire for my self the small farm I dream of? And more than that, do I really want to engage in capitalism further?
And so on my thoughts and feelings and needs rolled around in me over the past two weeks or so.
Then, yesterday, I came across this poem and my painful wonderings bloomed in my heart into a full "yes!" feeling. "There is someone with a wound the exact shape of your words." Tears fill my throat, but in a beautiful way. In a way that reflects how SEEN I am in this poem, how held and accepted. My effort is worth it.
And now I am remembering the kind responses I've received from people who've gotten coaching from me recently. Words reflecting, for example, how a session with me was "more effective then therapy" or how they were feeling overwhelmed but after an hour and a half with me, they were feeling "hopeful". Just as my support, my words filled the wound in their heart, so too did their words fill the shape of the worry in my heart.
I am feeling so grateful for this poem, and so happy to have come across it in this time. Thank you Sean, your poem is the exact shape of the wound in me.
So, there's an area of my life that I have not been feeling very good about. Things aren't going how I wanted them to go. I have been pushed and pulled within myself to respond to this situation in different ways. Sometimes I want to quit completely, "let it go", and focus my energy on other things. Sometimes, I want to dig in and try to change the experience. I have alot of self judgement about this because it's a pattern that I've noticed repeating over my life. It wouldn't be a big deal, except it's about a topic that I care very much about.
So, I basically have done nothing at all, either way, for almost 10 months. And that doesn't help me to feel good about myself either.
It's particularly "up" for me right now because of some things that have happened recently (I'm sorry this is so vague, but it includes other people so I don't feel comfortable sharing more details than this.)
Since it's been more in my face lately, I decided to take some time this morning to look at it. Because I noticed this as a pattern I've experienced, I had a suspicion that there was an unconscious belief contributing to my experience. I wanted to find out what that was. I'm going to share that here so you can try it out too, if you want.
This is the card using intuitive collage last night. I created it to explore my universal human need for nature. Is nature a need necessary for survival as a human? I think it is. This is one of the cards that I am offering for free here. It is so important to me to help spread awareness of #nvc and #needs. I was looking at nature specifically because that is the need of the week for this week in my Facebook group, Cultivating a Practice of Self Love, where we will be exploring a need a week for the coming year.
I am totally in love with the image that came out from within me. This is definitely NOT what I expected to make. But I suppose it's accurate... nature is more than the confines of the Earth.
But what does this have to do with Universal Human Needs?
What became clear to me was the very literal need for nature in order to exist! I was thinking about how our bodies are made up of elements found in stars. The air that we breathe, the water that hydrates us, the minerals that form the building blocks of our bodies, all of these physical components originate in nature.
So quite literally I AM NATURE. I am made up of the stuff that nature is made up of. The idea that I need to get in a car and drive somewhere to get to nature is not factual. I myself am nature.
So, when I am in harmony with my need for nature, I feel connected to all that is. I sense myself as part of the whole of creation. I feel confident, content, warm, safe, and nurtured. I am aware of abundance as the natural state of creation.
When I am disconnected from my need for nature, I feel... in my head, not in my body, ungrounded, depressed, discouraged, demotivated, incapable, overwhelmed, lack, deprived, scarcity, impossible, suicidal.
Currently, I nourish my need for nature by cultivating houseplants. I want to be surrounded by plants AND (not but) I currently live in an apartment with no balcony or outdoor access. So, I have a growing assortment of houseplants. Watering them, repotting them, looking at them, and talking to them helps me to feel happy, grounded, and centered. It helps me to remember that nature is not something that is "outside" but it is everywhere. The materials that made the walls of my apartment, that made everything in my apartment, came from nature. Separation is not real.
My dream vision of perfectly met need for nature would be to live inside a food forest. :D
What can I do this week to nourish my need for nature? One small thing I could do is to challenge myself to swim in the sea near my apartment, even though the water is so cold. It's very invigorating.
What do you think? Is Nature a human need? What's this need like for you in your life currently? What can you do this week to nourish your need for nature? Drop a comment below or tag me @seleneaswell where ever you are on social medial.
Join us if you want to explore your needs too!
Last summer, I attended an NVC training taught by Yoram Mosenzon. I learned so much and enjoyed his teaching style so much that I signed up for his year long course which will be starting this fall!
There was one sentence that he said at one point that SO resonated with me that it has been repeating in my head for over a year now. He said "We need to break the habit of staying alone with our pain."
That struck me as so profound. And so accurate. Experiencing pain is not a unique thing that I and only I experience! And yet I'm hiding my pain, as if it doesn't exist, as if I were ashamed of it. As if when someone asks me "How are you?" they wouldn't want to hear the truth. And the tragic reality is, I was treating myself far worse than I would ever treat another. I would never ever tell even a stranger to hide their pain and sorrow, to struggle under the burden all on their own. I would always, every time, encourage reaching out or at the very least admitting their struggle. Humans are pack animals, I have often said. "Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" is impossible, a dramatically damaging mythology. I would never ever counsel someone to do so and yet there I was, insisting that I struggle under my own emotional burdens alone.
Even though it was rolling around in my head for months and months, it wasn't until the past few weeks that I really started applying this. What does that look like? I've been honest when I'm in pain, I've been admitting when I'm sad or lonely, and I've been asking for connection. I've been taking people up on their offers of support. I've been open to linger for a moment when someone chats with me. I've been inviting people to my home for tea or out for coffee. I've been sending messages for long distance chats.... in short I haven't been hiding.
And I'm experiencing transformation. Just this past week alone, I've made friends with my downstairs neighbor, I've had several offers of support and connection, and even an invitation to collaborate on my work!
But what have I done differently?? Not much really. I'm not even asking myself to form a new habit, that somehow sounds impossible and scary. I'm only asking myself to break the habit I have had of staying alone with my pain. I'm asking myself to interrupt that habit with a new choice. And it can be any choice! Just something that is not in the flow of hiding and struggling alone.
This month I and members of my Developing Self Love Practice Group are taking on this as our monthly challenge. The challenge is just what I've shared above.
Interrupt the pattern of staying alone in your pain. Break the habit. Make a different choice, any different choice. Don't worry yet about making a new pattern or creating a new habit. For now... let's focus on interrupting and breaking our past pattern that keeps us alone.
I invite you to look at this in your own life as well.
Are you staying alone in your pain? Are you stuck in a habit of hiding your struggles?
Some ways you might explore this:
If you want support in addressing this challenge, come and join our practice group. In our practice group, we will all be working on this challenge in our lives, in solidarity and support of each other. We'll be welcome to post in the group what we are doing to break this habit and how it goes. We'll have opportunity to receive empathy if we need it. And, we'll encourage each other.
Comment below how it goes for you, I'd really love to hear examples from how this touches your lives and hearts.
Selene Aswell is a coach and facilitator specializing in becoming Vibrantly Alive through radical self love, NVC, and cultivating one's own spirituality.